A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a column about the founding fathers and their experiences in the arduous process of gaining independence. There exists a plethora of published information on those men that my words can do no further justice. I encourage you to pick up some of those books and join me in escaping into the past that birthed our present.

Thinking and writing about those men made my thoughts jump to others who may have played a role in the long revolution. I would like to briefly address the reality of not just what these men went through, but what their spouses and families sacrificed. The male figures get all the attention, but let us not forget the wives and children left behind.

Some of the names are familiar to us: Deborah Franklin, Martha Washington, Martha Jefferson and my personal favorite, Abigail Adams. Their children were less known, with the exception of the Adams clan. I refer to John Quincy Adams becoming famous in his own right as the sixth president of the United States.

My buddy Ben had three children in total, two sons and one daughter. Deborah was the mother of only two of them. His first, William Franklin, was born out of wedlock to an unknown mother but raised by Ben and Deborah. Second son Francis died at age 4 of smallpox. This death was very hard on Ben and made him an adamant believer in immunizations. Welcome to the debate on the COVID shot, Ben!

Ben’s daughter lived to adulthood and was a staunch patriot fighting alongside her father for independence. But William was the opposite in commitment. He remained loyal to Britain and therefore estranged from Ben their entire lives.

George and Martha did not have any children of their own, but George was an attentive stepfather to Martha’s son from a previous marriage. Mrs. Jefferson bore six children, with only two of them, both daughters, surviving to adulthood. I won’t delve into the theories of Thomas and Ms. Sally Hemings, where DNA testing has suggested, if not proven, that he had at least four children with his favorite slave.

The spouse who garners most of my attention and respect is Mrs. Adams. Most of what I know of her is from the mini-series John Adams on HBO. I need to find a good biography on her to help me decipher the reality of her life and personality. I do not want to depend too much on the creative liberties of a television producer for the truth. From what I have learned, she appears to have been an outstanding person full of sage-like wisdom in both words and actions. To tolerate and temper the ego and anger-driven rants of Mr. Adams for over 50 years must have made for a fatigue-filled life.

Heartache and hardship filled their lives, no different from others not in the political spotlight. Years were spent apart, with the fathers and husbands off on assignment, both domestic and foreign. Ben was apart from his wife, Deborah, for more than 15 years of their 44-year common-law marriage. This was due to a couple of reasons. One was her fear of ocean travel to accompany or join him in either London or France. The other was the amorous personality he possessed that glued him to the lifestyle he enjoyed among the Parisians. His mission was to foment and garner support both financially and logistically from the European powers in the battle against Britain. He eventually succeeded in this goal, but at what expense to his personal life and relationship with Deborah? She suffered multiple strokes before finally passing away in December of 1774. Ben did not even bother to return to America for her funeral services. She deserved better!

Make no mistake, I greatly admire and hold a significant amount of hero worship for these men known as the founding fathers. However, there are examples of behavior in each of them that also disappoint me. In some cases, knowledge of their faults brings them to an almost equal ground level versus a pedestal placement. Fallability, I can accept. Decisions made with erroneous judgment or a lack of information, I can accept. But, abhorrent behavior such as Ben’s coolness to his wife’s death is a large and bitter pill for me to swallow.

I credit a significant portion of their greatness to their spouses and families. They were men in the arena of revolution and could not have survived or accomplished what they did without the indefatigable support of the members of all their circles. Speaking of the Continental Congress as a whole, for these men to not acknowledge the women at their sides and backs, by granting them the constitutional right to vote… is shameful! In my opinion, this snub is just one of a few things the Constitution failed to accomplish.

I speak from my own experience of being in the public arena of a community government position for a little more than 16 years. I would not have stepped into that role without the support of my family…first and foremost, my spouse. I would not have continued this long without that same fostering of my spirit when it sinks after a tough decision or an extra-long meeting. So to our founding mothers, founding children, and my own wife, Cindy, I say… thank you and JOB WELL DONE!