I grew up in a Third World country. My normal is not the normal of those growing up in the United States. I witnessed things no child should ever have to witness, but no Third World child is shielded from the horrors of reality while living in an environment ruled by an elite who believed that by providing any social ‘cushion’ for those in need only provided for discontent and dissension while creating a needy society.

I lived in a country where girls were not allowed to go to school, but the boys were required to go to school and religion was the foundation of their education. Religious education was and is considered a very good thing by conservative dictatorial governments. I lived in a country where women were considered property and bullied into silence by an elite conservative male population and where emotional Koran thumping and flag waving were an important part of showing loyalty and faith in their leaders and in their country.

When I moved back to the United States my worldview was a little skewed but there are issues I see now that remind me of what I experienced growing up in a country where every aspect of one’s life was controlled (i.e. what one wore, what one believed, how one behaved in public, what could or could not be expressed in private or public, etc.) under the threat of social ostracism, punishment, imprisonment or death. I see a resurgence in a push against education and a desire to force religious dogma into public school curricula. By keeping the population uninformed it is easier to force one’s own agenda, control subordinates and suppress resistance.

I see bullying becoming an everyday norm in schools, in the workplace and in local, state and national government offices. I see individuals silenced by threats because freedom of speech and personal rights are subject to the rules of those in power. I see this country losing its moral compass and veering towards a totalitarian dictatorship, which seeks to control all aspects of national life, including the beliefs and attitudes of its people with a set of ideas and ideals that everyone is expected to embrace.

Bullying of one’s spouse, pets, children, students, peers, or employees shows the world the opinion the bully has of himself (or herself). Feeling superior to others is a red flag that one’s lack of ethics and integrity is being projected onto those being bullied. The bully assumes their victims are as untrustworthy as they are so domination is necessary to fix the spouse’s, pet’s, child’s, student’s, peer’s or employee’s perceived shortcomings. Making others servile and fearful can give the bully an aspect of pleasure while stroking a fragile ego.

Critical thinking, an objective analysis of facts to form an opinion, has become a rare commodity. The general population prefers to depend upon the media that has become less objective, to determine how they feel about issues. A media that relies more on compulsive in-your-face reporting with little or no thought to the truth or to the consequences.

There is an epidemic of hate speech that has become a national epidemic and appears to determine choices and reactions without providing facts for their conclusions. Negative input creates negative responses and we see this in the divisiveness, the bullying, the racism, the misogyny and judgmental behavior that has become the norm. When we refuse to think before we speak we are helping create a divided nation.

Recently, I read a post on social media that provided an excellent example of the affect words have on others. The post was from a mother to her young daughter in response to the Stoneman Douglas High School shootings. It is clear that the young man responsible had been bullied most of his life and the grief of the loss of his parents had been suppressed:

The mother gave her daughter a tube of toothpaste and asked her to squeeze the entire tube onto a plate. The little girl complied, and then her mother demanded she put all of the toothpaste back into the tube and make it like it was before. The little girl was extremely distraught because she knew that would be impossible. Her mother then explained to her: “You will remember this plate of toothpaste for the rest of your life. Your words have the power of life or death. As you go into middle school, you are about to see just how much weight your words carry. You are going to have the opportunity to use your words to hurt, demean, slander and wound others.

You are also going to have the opportunity to use your words to heal, encourage, inspire and love others. You will occasionally make the wrong choice; I can think of three times this week I have used my own words carelessly and caused harm. Just like this toothpaste, once the words leave your mouth, you can’t take them back. Use your words carefully. When others misuse their words, guard your words. Make the choice every morning that life-giving words will come out of your mouth. Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness”.

Speaking without thinking or caring about the consequences is bullying. Domination and control is bullying and are not effective ways of interacting. Harming others to instill fear creates anxiety and distracts attention from achieving goals and dampens effectiveness on the job, in school or in life. Mean spirited behavior only shows the world you are incapable of being an effective leader.

My grandfather and I were at odds over this issue of domination and control (one of many issues). He didn’t like me much because I was determined to get an education and he considered my determination to be ‘communistic’, mainly because girls were not considered capable of making their own decisions or choices back then. Lest you criticize my grandfather for being an oddball, my grandfather was the pillar of his community. He and his WASP friends were admired and emulated.

Admittedly, he was a KKK member and a strong John Birch Society supporter, but his desire for a great America and his emotional tears at anything that smacked of bible thumping, flag waving Americanism isn’t terribly different from the extreme conservatives of today nor those of conservative dictatorial countries. Religion was a huge part of the rhetoric of those elite conservative men like my grandfather because their religion was the only correct concept of religion, and their concept of education was the only correct concept of education, and their concept of being an American was the only correct concept of being an American. In other words, he, like those of his philosophical peers, were bullies.

Today we have something that reminds me of my grandfather and his worldview of education, social responsibility and women’s issues. It’s called the New Republican Party. This New Republican Party is not the Republican Party of Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, or Dwight D. Eisenhower, it is the party of the elite white male who believes social cushions only create discontent and dissension while creating a needy society; that education needs to be controlled and reformed to their standards; that the elite should control the lives and jobs of their subordinates; that creationism is the only truth: that science is a lie; and women need to toe the line.

With those rules in place, who would want a mindless life debased by handing over our authority to those with the money and the power to determine our future and our fate?