I have never fully understood the song that begins with the line: “Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes...” Suicide does bring on many changes, but, the lyric “it is painless” is nonsensical other than if one argues the ending of that person’s life does end their personal pain. You cannot live very long on this planet without experiencing the loss of someone from a suicide. Eventually everyone encounters some form of this painful bullet — it’s that prevalent.

Consider me morbid, but the subject of suicide has always fascinated me. The action of self-destruction interests me intellectually, but it has also hit painfully close to home far too many times in my life.

I followed Dr. Kervorkian in his quest to liberalize the laws allowing people to choose their time of death when afflicted with terminal illnesses. The doctor went to jail for the “zealous” approach he took to his cause. I am liberal and believe that people should have the right to end their lives whenever they want regardless of infirmity.

The fact it is illegal to kill yourself throughout America seems silly to me. Can there be a more personal choice than deciding to end your life? It is arrogant and religiously driven for the government to tell individuals they don’t have the right to permanently escape whatever hell permeates their personal space.

That said, I am not advocating for a holiday spree of suicide. To the contrary, I am passing on some observations that may help those in a dark place, or those who are worrying about the mental state of someone they love. Even in the darkest of times, I find life to be an amazing journey of adventure, discovery and beauty. For me, it’s too precious to waste through self-destruction.

However, the holidays are a time when people are prone to suicidal thoughts and sadly, action. It can be uncomfortable to discuss, but this is an important, and potentially life-saving topic.

I am no doctor (Juris Doctor doesn’t count), but I have had many close glimpses at suicide, and I feel that has given me helpful insights. With that caveat, may my observations help at least one person to avoid this “permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

My experience with suicide includes the painful loss of a cousin’s son at the tender age of eleven. He was a beautiful child with a life filled with promise, and he chose to leave this world way too early. The facts leading up to his act have never made sense to anyone, and they never will. So many calculated steps were taken by him that I have concluded he did not fully understand the permanency of his reaction to a temporary problem. Aside from that explanation, this tender-aged boy clearly experienced tremendous temporary emotional disarray. Hopefully he is at peace and will one day be rejoined with the energy of all who love him to this day.

A fellow attorney took his life suddenly, with no advance warning, and without leaving a note. No one knows why he acted the way he did at the Country Club Golf Course, but it has troubled many people who loved and respected him both as a man and as a talented lawyer with common sense (a trait not always found in lawyers).

The entire world was horrified (except for some fanatics) when a group of 19 men willingly flew to their death for a religious cause. They took many innocent people to their death with them as they committed group suicide. I am no fan of what happened, but it did cause me to pause and question why such hatred existed. How could 19 men so willingly fly to their fiery destruction.

We humans can be a scary lot when motivated by a passionate cause. Recall too, the man who recently stole an airplane in Seattle and calmly flew it to his death while appearing to avoid all others on the ground.

I could expand the list of those who have committed some form of suicide, but it would fill this newspaper, and the Editor would declare: “Holy Cow, this article is too long.”

I’ll stop at my personal encounter with this permanent decision to pass on what little insight I have gained into this complex topic.

Virtually all humans think about suicide at some point in their lives. I am no exception. My childhood frequently caused me to think about suicide and homicide. The first would have been an arguable tragedy — the latter understandable when you have all the facts. I never acted on either of those impulses, and I am not suicidal by nature. However, I did have an experience that took me to the brink.

My long-term marriage came to an end sixteen years past, and like most people who go through divorce, I experienced depression. It was severe enough that I was prescribed two temporary drugs, one being Paxil. I had been having dark thoughts before taking the drug, but after taking Paxil I quickly became obsessed with thoughts of killing myself (suicide ideation is a known side effect from taking Paxil especially for children). My mental pain became so ferocious I found myself researching the law to make sure my life insurance would pay my children when I committed the act.

I said I’m not suicidal by nature, but I did gain an inside glimpse into the mind of at least one person on the precipice, and this I personally know:

When you are that close to suicide you are not able to think of anyone else but yourself. You are not being selfish and thoughtless to the people who love and need you because the pain has overwhelmed your ability to think rationally. For most, it is not done to be cruel and selfish, but rather to escape from pain so profound you cannot see any other way out. I could barely breathe when I found myself seriously contemplating suicide because of an adverse drug reaction.

The devastating thing is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem (my drug reaction for example), and it leaves a wake of destruction and pain, and as the song notes, brings about many “painful and permanent” changes. It forever damages those you leave behind — nothing about it is painless to those left in the brutal aftermath.

I also had a very close friend commit suicide ten years ago. I believe I had a chance to stop his action, but my message never got to the right person in time. That caused me substantial added grief when my dear friend killed himself even though it wasn’t my fault.

My friend’s widow (she is also dear to me) asked me to be the speaker at his funeral (one of the toughest things I have ever done). Before I spoke, the funeral director said a few words to a cemetery packed with grieving, shocked family and friends.

I have never forgotten the man’s words. I am paraphrasing and ad-libbing. He said: I have often thought that if the person who committed suicide could travel into the future to attend their own funeral they would never commit suicide. They would see how many people cared for them, and they would realize their temporary problem was solvable, and they would reach out for help. I could not agree more with those profound words.

During the holidays people are prone to suicidal thoughts as the “most wonderful time of the year” can isolate those who don’t have close family or friends nearby. If you are one of those people who gets down at the holidays, please find the energy to pick up the phone and call anyone you know to chat for a bit. Don’t be afraid to let them know you have been feeling lonely and needed to hear a caring voice; that’s a solid hint.

If you have a wonderful, loving family to draw close to in the holidays, try to think of those you know who may not be so lucky. Consider inviting them to your homes to share a bit of holiday cheer. Or, if they reside alone, in a nursing home or an assisted living center, drop by to let them know they are in your thoughts. Take a small gift — a plate full of cookies has warmed my heart on many an occasion.

Most of all, when you see or hear any kind of warning signs from friends or acquaintances, don’t ignore them. They may be pleas for help from people who are suffering intense mental pain due to mostly temporary problems.

You never know when a little human touch will prevent a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That person could take a step back from the precipice of abyss due to your kindness.

Jesse Robison is a Pocatello native who has lived in Mexico and other places. He was educated at Idaho State University and University of Idaho. Robison works as a mediator and insurance law consultant, but his passion is public art. He has spearheaded numerous art improvements throughout Pocatello, including the Japanese garden located at Pocatello Regional Airport, and he serves on the Bistline Foundation. Robison currently resides in Pocatello.