Mike Murphy

Mike Murphy

Stand-up comedian Steven Wright has said, “I recently completed writing my unauthorized autobiography. Once it is published, I plan to sue myself.” Sounds silly until one considers the present context of best-selling books in the news lately concerning Donald Trump.

As you read blurbs describing the books that discuss the president in a negative light one word keeps recurring: “Bombshell.”

Which is really sort of a head scratcher since one definition of the term bombshell is “an overwhelming surprise, a shocking revelation.” Since none of the claims describing the president’s behavior in any of the books come as the teeniest bit of a surprise to informed individuals, labeling any of the books as a bombshell is classic hyperbole.

Trump’s former National Security Adviser John Bolton’s tell-all book with the titillating title “The Room Where It Happened” has sold over 2 million copies and, though released earlier in 2020, is still the No. 1 seller on many lists despite not living up to its “bombshell” label.

Here’s an example of what I mean. During a meeting between Donald Trump and North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un, Bolton describes how Secretary of State Mike Pompeo handed him a note saying this about Trump: “He is so full of (expletive deleted).”

Well, whoop-de-doo! Like we did not know that? If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that about Donald Trump, why, I’d be richer than the man himself.

The only thing shocking about this anecdote is that two top administration officials were passing notes like middle-school kids during a high-level meeting with a dangerously delusional autocrat. Oh, and Kim Jong-un was there, too.

The latest tell-all book about Donald Trump is “Too Much and Never Enough” by Mary Trump, the president’s niece, which sold 1.35 million copies in its first week, more copies than “The Art of the Deal” has ever sold.

In her memoir, Mary Trump reveals the “bombshell” revelation that Donald paid a friend a lot of money to take the SAT test for him when he applied for college. She explained that he hired “a smart kid with a reputation for being a good test taker.”

Well now, why would readers be shocked to read about rich people taking illegal or unethical measures to qualify for the school of their choice? Hiring substitute test takers is small stuff compared to fabricating college swim team recruits who can only dog paddle and do belly flops just so they can get into an elite school!

No, I would say the shocking aspect of this claim by the author is that Donald demonstrated enough sense and keen character judgement to pick a test taker who was actually qualified to take the test.

Trump has clearly lacked such traits while president as he repeatedly selects unqualified people to fill top-level positions, fires them the moment they attempt to do their jobs in a principled manner, then hires someone as bad or worse to replace them.

Truthfully, nothing Mary Trump writes about Donald comes as the least bit of a surprise to anyone who has followed the news with an open mind the past few years. But one thing I learned while researching the book did blow me away: Mary Trump is really smart.

Mary Trump earned a master’s degree in English literature at Columbia University. Her area of focus was William Faulkner and his dysfunctional Compson family. Hmmm, I wonder if Mary happened to feel some sort of personal connection there.

She also holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. A Trump who is verifiably smart — now there’s a bombshell!

I know that Donald Trump and his kids went to college, but there is something about a billionaires’ kids getting into and graduating from their daddy’s alma mater that sort of rings hollow with many folks.

Trump’s former personal lawyer Michael Cohen is next in line with a tell-all book about Trump — see what I mean about Trump’s lack of character judgement.

Cohen has stated that “my book will provide graphic and unflattering details about the president’s behavior behind closed doors.” Not sure how much of a bombshell that can be when we witness graphic and unflattering details about the president’s behavior every day plastered all over the television screen.

In his book, Cohen reportedly reveals that Trump made racist comments about Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela. “Yawwn!” Sorry, Michael, you’re going to have to do a lot better than that for any chance to raise your book to the bombshell category.

What I suggest that President Trump should do is write and publish his tell-all autobiography. That way he can steal all his detractors’ thunder.

Of course, I don’t mean that he should write it. Perhaps he could hire that kid who took the SAT for him.

In the book, Trump should include every racist, salacious, outrageous thing he can recall ever doing or saying. Naturally, he would make a ton of money.

But even more notable, Donald Trump would have told the world the truth for the first time in his life — now that would be a bombshell.

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist whose articles are syndicated by Senior Wire. He recently published a book titled “Tortoise Crossing – Expect Long Delays,” which is a collection of 100 of his favorite columns. It is available on Amazon.com.