Some of my favorite memories as a parent happened at the beach. We always loved the times we had an opportunity to take our kids and visit the ocean. I remember when the kids were too small to get in the water alone that we would sit together in the shallowest part and laugh as bigger waves would come along and splash us, or even knock us over! The kids were always amazed that we could dig giant holes and build sand creations, only to come back to the same spot the next day and find that the tide had washed it all away. It was like the beach reset itself every night so that we could start fresh every day and have more fun.

As the kids got older they were excited to get to venture out into the water with some independence. I remember watching my son dart back and forth in the wet sand as the waves came in. He would partly chase them as they went out and partly dodge them as they came back in until he worked up the courage to wade out a little ways into the water. No matter how many times you swim in the ocean, that first splash of salty water in your eyes and mouth is always a surprise.

When they were big enough to swim and body surf some waves, it was time to learn a few important lessons about time at the beach. First, take a long look at the spot where your family sets up chairs and towels for the day. Find a landmark to help you identify your place. We used a big brightly colored umbrella in the sand. The reason this is so important is because the tide moves you down the shore as you swim without you even knowing it. Now and then everyone has to look up, find the safety of home base, and move back that way. Often this requires getting out of the water and walking back. The current can be strong, deceiving, and dangerous.

Next, the kids had to learn to listen for our voice. Our rule was that if you are swimming and hear mom and dad call, immediately come in out of the water and check in. Don’t stand up and shout back asking why or what, just get out of the water and check in. From the shore mom and dad can see that the tide may have carried someone further than they noticed. Or mom and dad may see something in the water that is concerning and need the kids to get out of the water long enough to make sure it’s safe. It’s always important to listen to someone with a better perspective who may be able to spot danger that you can’t.

Finally, one other notable rule of the beach was not to talk to strangers. Some beaches are crowded, and others can be deserted, but in any case when the kids were at the beach we insisted that they stay clear of people we didn’t know. If someone gets too close to you in the water, get out and walk back to home base and find a new spot. If someone tries to talk to you on the beach, come straight to mom or dad and check in. Obviously not every stranger is a bad person, in fact most people may be kind and harmless. The point was that it was an adult’s job to decide if a stranger was safe or not. Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

In shaping guidelines for kids when they get old enough to wade out into the internet, I’ve realized that some of the same rules apply. Using the analogy, or comparison to the beach, we can explain some really important principles of internet safety.

First, the internet has a current, or riptide too. Think of the internet’s current as the culture that impacts the way people think and behave. It’s not always visible from the shore, but it’s there beneath the surface, it can be strong, and it is dangerous. WIthout even noticing, the currents of the internet can move kids minds and hearts away from the safety of home base. That’s why it’s important to teach kids truths that act as landmarks. Kids need to know values and character traits that will anchor them to safety when the currents of culture they experience on the internet could cause them to drift. Kids need to be reminded that the internet isn’t inherently a bad place, but it’s important to look up regularly and make sure you haven’t drifted further than you thought you were.

In the same way that the ocean can contain threats which are more visible from shore, safety for kids on the internet is best guarded by adults with a better perspective as well. For instance, once my wife and I spotted a dark shape and what looked like a fin sticking out of the water near where our kids were swimming. We called them in, and because they knew the rules they were never at risk. It turned out to be a small sand shark swimming close to where they were playing. Kids need to understand that caring adults have boundaries and guidelines for internet use because we can recognize threats they may not be able to see yet. For example, kids playing on open world games such as can be found on the popular game forum Roblox may often interact with other players from around the internet. Having an adult review safe boundaries for such games is essential to avoiding threats.

Finally, while the beach can at times be crowded, it’s nothing compared to how crowded the internet is. The same rules apply for interacting with individuals online as do the beach. Not every stranger is a bad person, in fact most people may be kind and harmless. The point is that it’s an adult’s job to decide if a stranger is safe or not. What makes the internet more risky is the element of anonymity that it provides. My 2nd grader was never going to build a sandcastle with a 52 year old man who was alone at the beach. She didn’t need me to tell her that was a bad idea. But there are 52 year old men who would hide behind the persona of another 2nd grader online and pose a real threat. Our kids need us to help them have wise boundaries and learn how to navigate online decisions in positive ways.

The truth is that the need for wisdom online will not go away for our children as they get older. The world and the internet are changing at an amazing pace, and the need for children to learn values and character traits that will guide them has never been greater. The potential for fun, healthy exploration, and great memory making is an enduring aspect of trips to the beach. The same can be true of the internet. Fear is not the answer, but respect for both the opportunity and risk should prompt us to prepare our kids and watch over them appropriately.