What is anxiety? Anxiety is a feeling of dread, fear, or uneasiness related to some particular source. That source could be a person, situation, or set of circumstances. So anxiety is a feeling. For example, many young people feel anxiety before the first day of school. Even in a positive light, it can feel like a mixture of nervousness and excitement, or “nervouscitement” as some jokingly call it.

But anxiety is more than just a feeling. It is often associated with real physical changes like increased blood pressure, rapid heart rate, and quick shallow breathing. In some cases anxiety is associated with sweating and trembling, or feeling weak and tired. Extreme anxiety can make one even feel sleepy or cause difficulty concentrating.

I remember counseling with a gentleman years ago who was under tremendous pressure at his job. The pressure was negative and he was experiencing a great deal of anxiety. During our conversation his eyelids were half closed and he kept telling me he just wanted to go take a nap. His anxiety was having a powerful physical effect.

Many children and teenagers experience increased anxiety at times where school is concerned. Extreme anxiety related to school can be caused by a lot of things, some including negative relationships with peers due to bullying or disproportionate pressure concerning academic performance. Often a child experiencing such anxiety will refuse to get out of the car in the mornings, or come into school seemingly “zoned out”, or severely distracted and withdrawn.

In recent years, as mental wellbeing has become a more popular topic especially amongst young people, anxiety has become a frequent buzz word. I feel like I have had countless young people tell me that they suffer from anxiety, as if it were a death sentence.

It’s a mistake however for us to come to believe that we should never experience any anxiety at all.

The reality is that not all anxiety is bad, and that a certain level of anxiety is normal, and even healthy. Anxiety can be an internal signal that something is wrong. An individual who is attuned to their feelings may recognize anxiety and evaluate their circumstances to discover that there is danger nearby. Anxiety can be a red flag that we need to adjust schedules, or mindsets to reflect more healthy balance.

If I’m honest, there are mornings when I wake up and have anxiety about going to work. On days when I have a difficult project, or a particularly demanding schedule, I wake up with a sense of dread and anxiety. A healthy approach to anxiety allows me to face it for what it is: a normal reaction to challenges. In this case, I prepare myself appropriately to face the challenge, and move ahead despite the anxiety. I remind myself of times I faced similar challenges and succeeded. Overcoming anxiety in such instances builds my confidence and teaches me how to succeed even when I’m challenged. I’m reminded that I can do hard things. This is normal anxiety.

There is, however, a level of anxiety that requires help. Anxiety that is debilitating, or anxiety that prevents you from functioning on a daily basis is beyond your ability to self regulate. In certain cases, severe anxiety can prevent you from feeling like you have the strength to get out of bed, or may hamper your appetite. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety that paralyzes you, it’s time to talk with your doctor or find a therapist and ask for help.

My caution in this article is that we are doing our kids and society a disservice by allowing the notion to persist that we ought not tolerate any level of anxiety. Let’s just say that I decided I wanted to build some muscle, and I came to you for advice. You might reasonably say to me that if I joined a gym and started a weight lifting regime that I would gain strength and build muscles, as long as I was committed and consistent.

Resistance training makes our muscles stronger. In the same way, when we wrestle with our normal experiences of anxiety, we get emotionally and mentally stronger. We learn that we can do hard things, and we gain confidence. A society that is taught to shrink back from any and all anxiety will become weak. Anxiety can be a signal that we have become complacent and it’s time to face a new challenge and grow.

Healthy coping strategies for normal levels of anxiety include deep breathing, healthy sleep, physical activity, avoiding drugs and overdrinking alcohol, mindfulness, eating healthy, spirituality, and many others. Talk to a therapist or mentor if you are struggling with a lack of coping skills, or negative habits. If you feel like your anxiety is debilitating, see your doctor. The next time you wake up to anxiety, remind yourself that you can do hard things, respond with a positive mindset, and do your best to grow your way through it!