The Super Bowl is one of the only major sporting events in the world I hope never to attend.

Even if my NFL team of choice, the horrible Kansas City Chiefs, are ever able to make it back to football's biggest stage, I would make no effort to find a ticket.

One thousand bucks for a seat? Twelve dollars per beer? Spending four hours with a mixed bag of die-hard NFL fans? No more Playboy party? No thanks.

I'll just stay at home and watch the Super Bowl the way it was meant to be enjoyed. Seriously, there is no better TV program - sports or otherwise - in the world. It's such a must-see event that there's not even an appropriate time to take a bathroom break.

Hey, there's a reason it's broadcast around the world in every language imaginable.

Everyone wants to see the game, and nobody wants to miss the commercials. The rapidly declining halftime show is your only break.

If I were in Tampa, Fla., today, I would get no commercials and have to endure the halftime show. What a ripoff.

The Super Bowl is simply made to be watched at home. Not necessarily at your home, but someone's home.

Everyone is going somewhere. It's the only TV watching event of the year in which interest abounds. Young and old, husbands and wives, sports fanatics and mathletes: They can all coexist at a Super Bowl party.

Probably because who wins doesn't necessarily matter. I haven't had a vested interest in the Super Bowl since I last rooted against the Dallas Cowboys in 1996, and I haven't ever watched a Super Bowl with friends who were cheering hard for one of the teams, but I've always enjoyed the game.

As long as you're watching the Super Bowl the way it's made to be watched - in a group setting, in front of a new 50-inch high-definition television and with more food than one could ever hope to digest - you're guaranteed to have a good time.

There's a reason, "What Super Bowl party are you going to?" was the nation's most asked question last week.

By the way, until you are promised each of the above necessities, you should never RSVP "yes" to a Super Bowl party. Even if it's your best friend, don't cave in. Sure, you want his company, but without all that other stuff it wouldn't feel like the Super Bowl.

You might as well just go to the game.

Kellis Robinett's column appears on Sundays. Call him at 239-3136 or e-mail krobinett@journalnet.com with comments or story ideas.