There just isn’t anything cuter than elementary school plays depicting “The First Thanksgiving” myth. Little tykes wearing those black construction paper Pilgrim hats and Indian headbands with paper feathers are just adorable.

If you haven’t had the chance to attend such a production for whatever reason, here is an excerpt from a typical play put on by third-graders.

Narrator 1: The Pilgrims landed in Massachusetts where the Wampanoag people were living. The Wampanoag people were kind and helpful to them.

Whoa, whoa, hold on right there. Is this true? Well, according to the Pilgrims maybe. But Wampanoag descendants tell a different version. In the words of Wamsutta Frank James, Wampanoag, “the Pilgrims had hardly explored the shores of Cape Cod four days before they had robbed the graves of my ancestors and stolen their corn, wheat and beans.”

Difficult to be “kind and helpful” to strangers who steal your family’s winter provisions. All right, let’s get back to the play.

Narrator 2: The Pilgrims invited their Indian friends to a Thanksgiving feast.

Wait, what?! You’re telling me that 53 Pilgrims, half of whom were children, invited a reported 90 Indians who obviously mistrusted them to dinner? How smart would that be?

Again, according to Wampanoag descendants, no dinner invitations were sent. Instead, armed warriors showed up because they heard gunshots coming from the celebration where the Pilgrim men, women and children, who each normally drank a gallon of beer daily, got a little carried away!

So it’s more likely that the Pilgrims had to decide whether to tell 90 armed warriors to scram or invite them to grab plates and have a yam.

The third-grade play continues.

Chief Massasoit: I am thankful we can share this harvest with our Pilgrim friends.

Now wait just a doggone minute. How on earth could the Indians be “friends” with foreigners after earlier European colonizers had spread deadly diseases that decimated Massasoit’s people?

No, it had nothing to do with friendship and harmony. What Massasoit was desperate for was an ally to supplement his tribe’s dwindling numbers due to those diseases and to help defend them against neighboring tribes.

Here is another scene from the play.

Pilgrim: I am thankful for wild turkeys that live in Massachusetts. Turkeys are good to eat.

Wild Turkey: Gobble, gobble.

“Gobble, gobble”? That’s all the kid playing a turkey is going to do? Seems he should be running off stage to save his wattle. Which, back then, all turkeys could do — but not today.

The over 200 million turkeys slaughtered annually in the U.S. today have such big, heavy breasts that they would face-plant if they tried to run. Besides, where would they run with over 55,000 at a time confined in cages “beak to butt” in large factory farms?

Anyway, it’s possible there was no turkey at all for the first Thanksgiving meal since it would have been difficult for hunters to bag one after drinking all that beer. Most likely they ate seafood, which was abundant.

Perhaps the kid should have been dressed as an eel instead of a turkey since colonist Edward Winslow wrote, “We can take a hogshead of eels in a night with small labor.”

Potatoes? Nope, but turnips for sure. Yum.

Cranberries grew in the area, but with no sugar available Pilgrims could not make anything remotely like our cranberry sauce.

And forget pumpkin pie, or any pie for that matter. The early Pilgrims lacked butter and wheat flour for crust. Oh, and no one had built an oven yet for baking.

What research clearly indicates is that there was a variety of seafood, fruit and vegetables served at the first Thanksgiving. In other words, it was a much healthier spread than today’s holiday menu. Except for the beer, of course.

At the conclusion of the third-grade play, the kids’ characters express their thanks for things such as corn and turkey, which is all fine. Until they get to this line:

Forest of Trees: I am thankful I can provide wood for homes to keep people warm.

Hold. The. Phone. This is carrying the Thanksgiving myth just a bit too far if you ask me. The trees are thanking humans for chopping them down?!

So let me see if I have this right. The kids putting on the play selected by the teacher are led to believe that the trees, turkeys and even the Indians who were eventually imprisoned, enslaved, executed and had their land stolen are all happy and thankful to have their lives destroyed by the Pilgrims.

Well, if this is the type of story that parents who seek more control over school curricula want told, from kindergarten through college, then so be it.

Remember this, teachers: Thanksgiving can give you indigestion; whereas Truthgiving can get you fired.

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist whose articles are syndicated by Senior Wire. He published a book titled “Tortoise Crossing – Expect Long Delays,” which is a collection of 100 of his favorite columns. It is available on Amazon.com.