I’ve been enjoying the weekly satires of Martin Hackworth, whose merry, ribald columns of angry OK-Boomer cliche have rivaled the snark of Mark Twain and the parodies of our true American cultural gem, “The Onion.” When he affects Soviet-style “what-aboutism” on such matters as black-on-black crime and rap lyrics, I kiss my fingers like a gourmet chef. And that bit about how “white privilege” is useless because he only cares about himself was, truly, a master stroke. Complaining about the lack of science in “the media” when he objectively dissects “the media” as constituting all of CNN, the “New York Times” Opinion page, and his Facebook feed provokes endless guffaws. Such galaxy-brain hot takes makes it almost hard to tell whether he’s serious, and that’s what makes it so funny. (Except that time he encouraged us to wear masks; a bit too ardent and on the nose, in my humble view.)
Now that Pocatello has replaced its sports-talk radio station with a second “conservative” “news” “talk” station — I have too much respect for each of those American traditions to quote them together — Hackworth advanced his coup de grace, pretending Colin Kaepernick was kicked out of the NFL for bad footwork. Brilliant! Only reactionary dunderheads would think this was why he was blackballed and not, you know, corporate collusion against his constitutionally protected protest in an industry that enjoys public subsidies for billionaire-owner stadiums and an antitrust exemption from the federal government. Because anyone who has watched or cared about football would know, of course, that if one was going to criticize Kaep in good faith, they would point out his elongated release, which disturbed his accuracy, or that he was a system quarterback, going back to his days at the University of Nevada-Reno. Juggling all these illogical balls has to be exhausting, but let us toast our indefatigable court jester.